Letter to my fallen Hero-Story of our lives

Joe, I won’t really be able to let you rest in peace if I don’t write about the story of our live. The best story ever!

2003

Oops! Did you actually start hitting on me while we were in our final year of primary school? Those days we walked bare feet and not minding putting on dresses/shorts with patched behinds. Those days Madam Teresa Milemba would walk to class and the first thing she would say was, ‘’Imbukwa, step forward”. She would give me several strokes of the cane simply because Madam Ruth, “my cousin” had instructed her to cane me until the point I passed maths. Of course Jemimmah Auma who was then my back deskie came to my rescue since she was the mathematician of the class.

Up to now I wonder what you had scribbled on that letter you tried to give me from underneath the desk. For sure I couldn’t take it because I was so shy those days and love was something I knew nothing about. Do you know my menstrual circle hadn’t even begun and it happened to start late that year? I wish though that I had read the broken English and JLO dedications so that I would find something to tease you about. Did you happen to buy Maurine Nyapera who was then my best friend a success card just to make me jealous? It worked considering I remember asking why you hadn’t bought me one and you had to give me money to get one just to settle that issue. I went and bought the most beautiful success card in Peter’s shop at Munjiti shopping centre and addressed it to myself with the pretence that it was from you. I can’t believe I did that because of jealousy though!

2009

 We went our separate ways after class 8 and got to hear from each other six years later. I remember the day Maggie (your sis) and mum had come for shopping at Luanda and we bumped into each other by coincidence. We exchanged numbers and certainly, she had told you about me when she returned home because you contacted me the next day and our love story ensued from there. Could be I was in love with you too.lol! You started giving your parents excuses for visiting your Bunyore home just so that you would get to see me. Love was indeed in the air! We saw each other for a month and when the KDF recruitment happened, you were so lucky to be picked. You left for the seven months training at RTS and even though you had been restricted from making calls, you would risk from time to time and check on me. How special you made me feel!

After your pass out you were posted to Langata Barracks but you were given two weeks to relax within which we saw each other from time to time. You bought me a nokia phone. I don’t remember the model but what I remember is, it was the best phone during those days. I was so happy! I remember it was around that time that I joined facebook because I had a phone that was so good with internet.  You finally settled at Langata and drama began. I remember getting a visit from your, was it high school girlfriend or admirer? Martha had been my classmate in primary school but we had never been friends because she was a snob. I found her visit rather uncomfortable but I entertained her because we were then big girls from high school. She requested that I give her my phone so that she could call someone since hers’ was out of units, little did I know that she wanted to check how I had saved you for she had heard rumours that you and I were dating. Her curiosity hurt her for she came across a love message she had send you and you had happened to forward it to me. How I wish you were here now so that I could pinch your ear for doing that. What?! I just heard her play the “stupid in Love” song by Rihanna which I believe she had dedicated to herself because if it was meant for me, she might have been wasting her time for I knew you had won my heart and I yours.

Did you actually cry at one point when I was so mad at you and didn’t want to hear from you at all? It broke my heart but anger had dominated and at that moment I was only thinking of myself but still, you never gave up. The love you felt for me was so strong that the anger I felt made it stronger. I forgave you and you reassured me that I was the only one you loved and no one would ever replace me. You told me that I was the most important thing in your life and in case I needed anything I was free to tell you. With that, you won my trust and confidence that no matter the negativity I heard about you, I didn’t buy it. You always took care of my hair even without me asking. My phone never lacked credit. You would check on me each morning, noonday, evening and night. I was indeed the happiest girl in love. You pampered me a lot that instead of being your baibe, I was your baby. I would see the pain in your eyes each time I cried because it hurt you a lot and you would never stand seeing me cry.

In 2010, I moved to Nairobi for my college education. You were so happy since I was now closer and you would get to see me from time to time.  You would take me out for lunch dates and my night outs were more secure with you around. I remember during one of our night outs I had asked you to kiss me in the centre of the city and you did. Was it at Hilton? It’s not easy being a drama queen, huh?!!! You loved Home Away From Home Restaurant so much, but it had nice chicken anyways and I enjoyed it. You introduced me to Chicken Tika from “Mine and Yours Restaurant” and I loved it. You loved Ohangla so much and you would take me to Nairobi Cinema so that we would watch live bands perform. You were a fun loving guy and it was fun having you around.

Do you remember that day at Waka Waka club when we danced to the luhya tunes like crazy and the stage was left for us? That was the best night out! You would make me angry but you would still laugh so hard and I would ask you, “What’s so funny? Does my face look like its happy?” you would laugh harder and then you would say, “Mikkie acha hizo” I would struggle with that laughter that I so much wanted to hide but I would end up releasing it because you were this guy that staying mad at was so hard. At some point I remember I told you your laughter irritated me that you needed to laugh civilly. Right now I look at your photos and wish you would laugh or even smile but you just give me this blank stare.

I remember you bought me a Nokia X2 phone in late 2011 when it was the latest on the market. It was around that time that I had completed my first attachment at the Information office in Kisumu and when I went back to school for my second year, every chic who owned the phone felt like they were on a different level. I recall it was only five of us out of seventy who owned the phone in our class (I, Lydia, Brenda, Diana and Doreen). It was a great feeling. Satan was evidently so envious of me that he didn’t want me to maintain the high status for long. I was coming from donholm where I had gone to visit my bestie Sue, when I lost the phone at Mlango Kubwa. God! I hate this place to date. I cried so much and I called you amid sobs to inform you of the terrible news. I expected you to scold me but you were so calm and I remember the only thing you told me was. “Don’t worry. I know you are feeling that way because you’ve never lost a phone. That’s a “kawaida” thing in Nairobi and should not worry you much. I will buy you another phone.” I felt at peace but bitter for I had lost a precious thing from a precious person. I mourned that phone for two weeks and will mourn you forever.

In 2012, you left for the AMISOM peace keeping mission in Somalia and I remember shading tears in town because I was going to miss you so much. One year is not a short period you know!  But even while you were far away in Somalia, you kept calling and checking on me. Through the communications, I would feel your presence though you were far away. Guys tried to hit on me in school but I would proudly tell them that I had a guy. I had your passports in my purse and I would show them and say, “This is my guy”. They would tell me nasty things about KDF guys and I would tell them that I knew you before you joined the armed forces and you are indeed a good person. I would be in class so broke and you would surprise me with an Mpesa message though from a strange number. I would probably think that the cash was from a wrong number and my friend Maurine would tell me, “Nunua credit ya fifty ndio huyo mtu akijaribu kuretrieve ashindwe.” We would laugh about it and later in the month you would call to ask whether I got the money. You would call me during lunch hour and ask, “Baibe umekula?” I would probably respond with a no and you would say, “Ngoja nakusort”. The sorting happened almost instantly and boy! I loved you so much.

Six months down the line, something terrible happened in Somalia and you had to come back to Kenya. 

Your boss was involved in a terrible accident that led to his leg being amputated. I recall you called to inform me that you were in Nairobi and we needed to meet. That was the greatest news I had heard in a long time. I remember I had gone to buy chips for lunch but I ended up losing appetite because at that time I had appetite for you alone. I went back to the house took a shower and left for town immediately. I waited for you at Nakumatt Moi Avenue and when you saw me, you laughed this hearty laughter that drove me to tears. You hugged me tightly and I felt special. You asked me whether I had eaten and I said I was okay. You asked me to accompany you to shoshs’ place in Buruburu and when we were settled in the mat, you asked whether I had credit on my phone so that you could inform your family that you were in Nairobi. It was at that moment that I learnt I had been the first person you had informed of your arrival. Si I felt good! Shosh was however not at home for she had gone to visit Uncle Presley in the UK. Auntie Damah however took care of us and I felt at home.

We were to leave together for Eldoret the next day but since you had a few errands to run for mum, we agreed that I would follow you the following day. I accompanied you to industrial area where you bought tiles for mum and after that we went back to town where we had lunch at our favourite place (Home Away From Home). You bought me shoes that I had always yearned to have and I treasure them to date. You later left for Eldoret and I went back home so that I could prepare to follow you the next day.

 I started my journey the following day at around 6 pm and got to Eldoret at around 12 midnight. You came to pick me in mum’s car but when you arrived, I was so furious at you because you had kept me waiting at the North Rift booking offices for quite a long time. During my short stay in Eldoret, I learnt just how much mum adored you for you were a lovable person. She could talk about you in high regard and I was so impressed. I remember her saying that, “kijana wangu Jose atafanya harusi ya kimataifa”. I just smiled and mumbled an amen. I don’t want to talk about what happened with the six inch double sole shoes you bought me for I will laugh till tomorrow and I am sure you are laughing as well. There is this moment that was however so sweet and I don’t mind sharing. I slipped and almost fell but you were so swift to hold me before I touched the ground. Mmmmmh...My prince, you made my world go round!

In May 2012, I left Nairobi for my second attachment at the Information office in Vihiga. I wasn’t alone though. My friend Maurine had been posted there as well and we were going to stay together. The attachment was going to take only three months but to me it seemed like a whole year because I was going to miss you a whole lot. The three months elapsed so first because we had kept in touch. You had also visited at one point in your daddy’s car and I remember I was so elated. I had even teased you about how you were dressed and you laughed so hard and brushed me of with, “Mikkie acha zako, niko tu sawa”. I went back to Nairobi at the end of the attachment to start my 3^rd and final year of my diploma course and we met most often.

Was it around that time that you joined NIBS? You had kept telling me that you wanted to go back to school so that you could raise your position in the armed forces. You were even thinking of pursuing photography because to you, it was the best avenue of making more money in your line of duty. Something changed your mind and you decided to pursue a business course. You didn’t join college immediately though. One evening your sis Maggie called and asked me to find out for her whether you had joined college and if not, I was to convince you to join for according to her, you would listen to me. I popped the question to you and you didn’t even know where I was coming from with it. You told me that you were thinking of enrolling and I told you that I wasn’t bluffing; that you should join immediately for time wasn’t with us. You asked me to check around town for the best business colleges and you happened to like NIBS. You were so excited to study business management and started looking at yourself as a great business man the moment you resigned from the armed forces and I was happy for you.

2013 came and I didn’t enjoy it much for it was loaded with many ups and downs. We would quarrel over small things but we would resolve them anyways and never slept with beefs. I remember you even joked about my weight on Valentine’s Day and even bought me a skipping rope as a gift to help me burn excess fat. We laughed about it for you were always a joker and I couldn’t take it as an offence for it was true that I had gained weight.  But baibe, if you were indeed being sincere about my weight gain, why did you by me all those chocolates? You would have bought me a diet coke and some fruits, don’t you think? Lol! I still treasure the skipping rope to date!

There is this particular day that you had asked me to meet you in town and I was there on time. You asked me to go to Home Away From Home and order food that you would come and pay. My instincts warned me against it and I decided to wait for you someplace else. I waited and at some point your phone went off. I tried calling several times and when the call couldn’t go through, I decided to go back home angry and disappointed at the thought of being stood up. I swore that I would skin you alive the next time we met. You happened to call me the next day with a different number and informed me that you had lost your phone and wallet on your way. You apologised for disappointing me and I forgave you and even said that I was sorry for the incidence of the night you had encountered.

You invited me to Langata sometime later and I remember hitting you with the Samsung phone you had bought me, for making me walk a long distance. You bought this particular phone in late 2012 after my friend Maurine had given you a piece of her mind for keeping me waiting in town. I had to stick with her for all those hours I waited for you as you insisted with the jam issue each time I called through her phone to find out where you were, since I had lost my Tecno phone. I remember she did all the scolding and you were just there standing nonplussed. She had all the reasons to be angry because it was late yet she had to go home to face her aunt. I apologised on your behalf though. I recall we went to Equity bank ATM that night and you asked me how much I needed for a phone. I just stood there tongue tied and you withdrew 7,000 shillings which you handed to me. We left in search of a phone but supermarkets and phone shops were already closed. We went and had super at a local restaurant and you escorted me to our stage so that I could board a mat home.

I woke up the next day with the excitement of buying a new phone and I had made up my mind that I would buy a Samsung Chat E222. I went to Ukwala supermarket and bought the phone together with a memory card that I still use to date and have never had issues with. The phone still serves me today and it still appears new. I will treasure this particular phone for as long as I will have it.

Back to the Langata episode; you got me to the house and offered me food but I just stared at you in anger. You tried to tickle me but instead of laughing, I started to cry. You hugged me tightly and said how sorry you were. You kissed me softly on the lips and wiped the tears in my eyes with an assurance that everything would be okay. I know I was being childish but you had turned me into one for pampering me a lot. That passed and we had a good time. I even accepted the food you had offered me. We danced to music and watched movies. Something happened and ruined the good time we were having. You went out and left the phone on the bed and I decided to snoop through it. I came across numerous messages but one caught my eyes. It had come from one Flori and it declared love for you. There was this deep Pain in my heart and I just didn’t want to see you at that moment. You came back to the room and I stretched the phone to you with the message displayed and I didn’t say a word. You gave me a look of guilt and said that it wasn’t what I thought but what was it then?

Silence engulfed the room and at that moment I just felt like storming out. You tried to explain yourself with the claim that it was that chic that was after you and I just couldn’t buy it. You reassured me that I was the only one for you but I just didn’t want to listen to you at that moment. I started to cry uncontrollably and you came closer and held me. You couldn’t stand my tears and you started to cry too. I was shaking with anger and grief and I just wanted to die. When I was calmer, you went down on your knees and begged me to forgive you but I was so reluctant and I wanted to go home. You convinced me to stay a bit and I did but when I came across Irene’s photo in your camera, I just couldn’t stand it and I had to delete it. I took Flori’s number and assured you that I was going to confront her but I never did because, with my pride I had vowed never to fight with any chic over a man. It was at that point that I lost trust in you and I even gave up on you but you never gave up on me. You kept calling and I would respond so coldly. I even tried to move on but I just couldn’t.

Was it in June or July when you invited me out for lunch? You had called and asked where I was and what I was doing and I had told you that I was in town. You said you were in Industrial Area servicing your boss’s car and wondered whether we could have lunch. You asked me to meet you at Nyayo and true to your word when I arrived you were there waiting. We went and had lunch because the car was still being serviced. We talked and you told me how much you had missed me but I wasn’t sure how to react. We went back to check the car and found that the servicing had been completed. You asked that I should get in so that you could drop me off.

We left Industrial Area and at some point along the way, you left to check the tires. You forgot your phone in the car and I snooped once again. I came across a text that changed the direction of our relationship for good. I returned the phone to its previous position and acted normal when you came back to the car that you didn’t notice any change in my mood. I vowed that I wasn’t going to talk about that text because to me, that was the end of our relationship. You dropped me at my stage sure that your secret was still intact. I vowed that I was not going to shed a tear over the issue in the text but my mood towards you changed. That was a single moment of pain that had ruined a million moments of joy.

Life went on as usual with you calling from time to time and me behaving so coldly towards you. You never figured out the reason for my behaviour and I was not going to tell you anyways for I expected you to open up to me but you took so long to do it and that drove me even further from you but I never stopped loving you though.

2014 came and it wasn’t that good for your family. I remember I was in shags when you called to inform me that grandma was very ill and had been admitted at the hospital. A few weeks later you send a text saying that she had passed on. I felt for you and your family because I knew just how much you adored her. Then I remembered the day you had asked me to dress to my best that you were going to introduce me to grandma. I was so excited. We set for Buruburu but when we got there, grandma wasn’t at home. You hadn’t informed her of our visit because you wanted to surprise her. When you called her, she told you that she had gone to get cash from the ATM and her ATM card hard been swallowed and so she would take a bit long to come back. We left immediately because you had matters to tend to in the city.

Grandma was laid to rest at her home in Nangili and I so much wished that I could attend but I just wasn’t feeling well. I hope you didn’t take it against me though. I send my condolences through Maggie and I hope your family got them.

Joe, I am not a liar and I am never good at it even when I try. Just remembered this year around April, at around 4.30 pm, you called and asked me where I was and I lied to you that I was at UON undergoing my handball training not knowing that you had seen me. You asked me blatantly, “Baibe is that not you I am seeing walking along Tom Mboya street in a red trouser? “ I just laughed in embarrassment because no one had ever caught me off guard like that. You couldn’t blame me for that because I was still mad at you and was trying to avoid you by all means possible.

In May you proposed we meet at steers for a Barger and I agreed. I thought maybe you would open up on this day but you didn’t. After having our meal, I decided to pop the question. You were shocked and even asked me how I had found out but I told you that it wasn’t important. You tried to explain yourself but I walked out on you and that made you so mad. But could you blame me for that though? You implored me to forgive you via calls and texts in vain because all I wanted was to stay far away from you.

Days went by and months passed but you never gave up. You kept calling and most of the time your calls went answered. I remember in July when you called at 11 pm I told you that I was too tired and that I wanted to sleep. I also told you that you should never call me that late again yet when we were in good terms you could call even at 3 am and no matter how tired I was, I could wake up and talk to you. That hurt you pretty bad and you told me even worst sinners deserve a second chance.

Your brother Brian managed to open my eyes. Something had pissed me off in the morning and I decided to vent my anger on facebook. I didn’t like his comment on my post and there I was on his case in his inbox. I asked him whether he had beef with me but he asked me to take it easy for he had nothing against me. We had a lengthy chat and he asked me to give you a second chance. On that day, I took a trip down memory lane and it was filled with so many good memories with only but a few bad ones. I realised I had been so unfair for you deserved to be pardoned. You were in Nangili taking care of farm activities when I called to say that I had nothing against you. You were so glad and I recall you even called the next day to send me to pick your passport at Nyayo house for the deadline of picking it was approaching yet you were not close to leaving Nangili.

I arrived at Nyayo house at around 11 am and called the woman you had sent me to pick the passport from. She kept me waiting for almost three hours within which I kept calling to remind her of the passport and she kept saying that she was coming. I grew out of patience and almost left Nyayo house but you asked me to exercise a little more patience. The woman later gave me a receipt to go and collect the passport. I was on the queue to collect the passport when I called to inform you that the woman had given me a receipt. You asked me to go with it that you will collect it from me when you come to Nairobi. We met in town on the day you had travelled and I told you that I didn’t have the receipt with me that it was at home. You were so disappointed for you thought I had collected the passport. I saw the disappointment and desperation in your eyes and it hurt me a lot. I was so tired and I needed to go home and rest but you said that I couldn’t go without eating something. We went to a nearby fast food joint and ate the obvious, “chicken and chips”. I miss that avocado you gave me so much because it was the best I had ever eaten.

  

6^th September 2014, was actually the last day we saw each other. It was going to be the last day of a whole one year, but I didn’t at all imagine it was going to be goodbye forever. We met in town so that you could collect your receipt and I remember making you walk all the way from Afya Centre to the poster along Tom Mboya Street for it was raining heavily and you didn’t have the patience to wait for the rains to subside. We were talking between the corridors of the poster when I told you that I hadn’t forgiven you and you asked amidst laughter,”sasa Mikkie unataka nipige magoti hapa ndio ujue I am sorry? Haizekani.” You laughed so hard and I couldn’t hold my laughter.

The rains stopped and it was time to part for our different destinations. I would have boarded a mat at the poster but I wanted to see you off. We started walking towards Afya Centre and as we walked, we talked. I remember you saying that after the lapse of one year, you would go to relax at Uncle Presley’s place in the UK. In short, you had great dreams you needed to achieve. You even told me that after that one year you would come back so that we could talk about us and I told you that within one year many things could happen. That I can get married or get a baby and you said that you hoped I was joking.

Was it at Commercial where you crossed the road and left me behind and when you looked back I was standing and just staring at you? I asked you where your manners were for you were to hold my hand and help me cross the road. You laughed that hysterical laughter of yours and held my hand. From then on, we walked hand in hand. You even asked at one point whether I expected you to lie in a pond of dirty water along the road so that I would understand that you were really sorry and you laughed so hard again. You were this funny guy that no one would manage to stay mad at for long. We got to your stage and it was time for goodbyes. You said that you would miss me and we hugged tightly. I don’t know why I felt that that was the last hug we were gonna exchange ever. And indeed it was.

20^th September 2014 is that dreadful day that I will probably remember forever. I had come from sports at KU and we were in the house merry making with my two brothers, sister in love and cousins when I received the terrible news that you were no more. I couldn’t believe it for we had spoken the previous day and you had sounded full of life. You had even told me that you would come so that we would go to the coast. I had even joked about wanting to go and work in Dardaab and you said that I should never make that terrible joke. Wow! That conversation keeps ringing in my mind for it was lengthy and a joyful one. Could be that was your goodbye message.

I regretted all the time I had wasted sulking and wished we had been a little bit happier. All the good memories we had had filled my mind and I cried so hard. I couldn’t believe that you had gone forever. That night in my sleep someone called to tell me that you were not in that vehicle when the accident happened. That dream was so convincing that when I woke up I wished I could go back to sleep and dream further but I had to come to terms with your death.  I called your sister Maggie and she affirmed that you were indeed dead. I went for a game at KU to avoid thinking of your death but in the evening when I went back home I just couldn’t help it. I cried so bitterly and wished that it was all a lie but you were dead and gone for good!

Your death came at a time when your great grandmother had died and you had to stay at the mortuary for almost two weeks. It was double tragedy to your family but such is life. Your funeral arrangements were made and the burial date set for 4^th October 2014. I travelled to Nangili on 3^rd October and I was received well by your family. They made me feel like part of the family and I was overjoyed.

 Your body arrived late that night. Everybody was wailing but I was just their standing unable to cry. I stared at the picture on your coffin in anger, wondering why you had to die like that. Hearing your brother Brian saying that you will wake up for you were only asleep tore me apart. It was too cold but I didn’t mind keeping you company outside.

The most dreaded day came. The day you were to be sent to your eternal home. I was so tensed not sure whether I could handle it. The service began without your programs for they hadn’t arrived. When they arrived, they were the most beautiful I had ever come across. Everything said about you in the programme and during the service was so true. There were no exaggerations.  You were a big hearted guy who was so selfless!

The army took over the service to give you your last respect.  Everything was awesome. The parade, the gun salutes. You were indeed a special person. I could not however stand the moment you were lowered to the grave. I broke down. When the soil started falling on you, I was shattered. It was then that it downed on me that you had gone forever. Your grave was so beautiful that I couldn’t mind sitting beside it to keep you company.

Joe, Fifi, Sunshine and Rodrick (your Chiwawa dogs) miss you so much. The farm yearns for your presence. Your family, friends and colleagues miss your charisma. I miss your laughter, sense of humour, selfless nature, love and care. You pampered me a lot you know. You were always so proud of me that to your friends during introductions, I was always your baby mama!

Joseph Trevor Angalia Lumumba, my first love and best friend. I hope you are resting with the angels. I loved you but God loved you most. He took you because your time on earth had elapsed. He giveth and taketh. May his name be praised!